Pepe of Noswad and the Squirrels of Chaos, Episode 5: Pepe Witnesses a Weasel Interrogation

Pepe romantic

Once we got to the bottom of the hill and entered the woods, Ralph the Raccoon took up his usual laid back bad attitude.

“Time will tell which side you’re on. But you ring my bell, and you will be done!”

I patted him on the shoulder as I would an old, trusted friend. We dropped the bling off in three batches. A small load to his Mrs. and two larger loads to both of his girlfriends. Soon we were off to the edge of the property. He said he had something I needed to see.

At the southwest side of the property, the creek ran under the railroad track in a huge culvert. It was so long, you could barely see the other side. It was the fall of the year, and the creek was high. Ralph headed into the fast water with no hesitation. Normally I would have gone another way, but I could not show any weakness in front of this crime boss. I followed him in with all the bravado I could muster. I found that I could swim!

Above the water line about halfway through, he climbed on top of a large boulder. I noticed there was a trap door in the concrete, and he knocked a secret code onto the wooden slats. Two knocks, a scratch and again two knocks. Soon the door opened slowly. Two tiny beady eyes behind very thick glasses looked out at us. I had seen these creatures before, but always in George’s mouth. Moles.

You never knew with moles. They would sell their own grandmothers if the old ladies would live long enough. The moles will tell you it’s only because they can’t see well enough to know whom they are selling. But then, would you believe a mole? Even the doctor tells you to keep your eye on them.

The mole let us in, and the door shut behind us with a clang. We were in a long, dark corridor. The syndicate used many of these creatures to build the tunnel system throughout these woods. Some poor creatures sent on missions through some of their tunnels never returned.

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Thank you. We now return to our hero, Pepe.

     It seemed we had been traveling for miles in the dark. The tunnel was narrow in places, and I could hear Ralph curse the moles for not making them wide enough for his glorious girth. After about 30 minutes, I could hear squeaky voices, and soon, we entered a large space filled with various pieces of furniture.

At least at first I thought it was furniture. As I sat down and began to wash my whiskers, I noticed this was no ordinary table.

Vines tied down the unfortunate creature on top of the table. His two feet stretched as tightly as possible and secured to the bottom edge of the table. His wings, for he was a robin, was stretched and secured to the side. Weasels were on all sides of him taunting and poking him, threatening to eat him for lunch if he didn’t sing.

After fifteen minutes, the poor fool did sing. Loudly. Sadly, the weasels didn’t keep their promise. Red white and dark brown feathers littered the floor while the weasels loudly burped. The information he so willingly gave made my whiskers tingle.

Area 31. The landing pad of alien squirrels.

Stay tuned next Thursday for Episode 6, in which Pepe relays important information to George.